It is balmy in the city, so much so that I could have ditched my jacket before heading to the Halloween parade this evening. I grabbed chocolates balls and a turkey sandwich on the way, kept up a quick step, and practiced vigilance. I’d been getting warnings about Halloween night for at least a month and was ready for anything. I started seeing outrageous, giggle-inducing costumes and gaudy make-up a few days ago, but nothing frightening. Tonight was more of the same, with a scary twist: a casual, calm human half swinging, half pointing an axe in the middle of a busy sidewalk. I followed the lead of another pedestrian and went to the other side of the street.
I try not to scare easily, at work or in the neighborhood. This new job means more meetings than I’ve ever had in my life. It is not easy for my introverted self, but I keep going. It helps that the work is stimulating. I get to build my own research agenda, develop teaching methods, and knead my disparate ideas in nontraditional ways. I just finished collaborating with a former colleague on a one-episode podcast about evidence-based practice teaching. It was my first time doing anything like that. It took an obscene amount of time, yet I’m looking forward to doing more work like that, looking forward to exploring the transformative potential of audio in health sciences librarianship.
In the neighborhood, I seek out at least one different street every week. Today, I lucked upon a street with gold-and-orange leaved trees that remind me of the ones I used to encounter on the trails back home. It is hard to relax during walks here with so much buzz and visual distraction. The trees make me feel quiet inside. There aren’t enough of them here, but I’ll take what I can get.
This morning a tourist stopped me and asked how to get to Soho. I kind of knew what to say but still felt unsure being so new here. They sensed my hesitancy but kept asking me anyway. They wanted to trust me. I smiled through my mask. We worked through the directions together.
Every day, I work through a new challenge, with someone or by myself. There are so many things to keep up with. I have stopped trying to finish them all. My days are busy, long, and occasionally scary. Every day I feel a little overwhelmed, and a little less new. It’s not bad, just different. I am finding my groove and making a new home.
Stacy Torian 